News - March 4, 2025

Yo, choom, scope this latest datadrop from the neon-drenched sprawl. Our resident gonk-in-chief, President Trump, just jacked the trade game, slapping a fat 25% tariff on all imports from Canada and Mexico, with a 10% zinger on Chinese goods. The corps ain't vibing—S&P 500 glitched down 1.2%, Dow Jones faceplanted 1.6%, and Nasdaq took a 0.4% cyberdive. But Trudeau ain’t playing meek—Canada’s punching back with over $100 billion in retaliatory tariffs. He torched Trump’s power play, barking that the Great North ain't about to be annexed into the States. Trump's counter? More tariffs unless Canada kneels.

Amidst the market chaos, Trump ghosted into Congress for his "Renewal of the American Dream" rant—aka a corpo wet dream dressed up as reform. He blared about making English the one-and-only lingo, gutting school districts, and nuking diversity programs. Then, in peak gonk mode, he started rambling about renaming the Gulf of Mexico and buying Greenland. Real next-level dysto clownery.

But not everyone's slurping the Kool-Aid. Senator Elissa Slotkin from the Michigan sprawl torched his spiel, cracking open his grift for what it is—a fat payout to his rich chooms while the rest of us foot the bill. She called out his tariff war as a corpo-puppet show driving costs sky-high and gutting social safety nets. Meanwhile, Democratic Rep Al Green lost his patience, booting off at Trump mid-speech before sec forces yoinked him out. Other Dems ran silent ops—hoisting signs like "No King!" and "Save Medicaid" or just straight ghosting the room.

And of course, Musk—forever thirsting for the limelight—soaked in the scene from the White House guest box like a rockstar on a comeback tour. But his ego took a nosedive when a judge torpedoed his bid to ice OpenAI's for-profit switch. Even a billionaire can’t always rewrite the code of reality.

But there's some good news too, choom. We here at Evil KBGY9 News just dropped cardnet, a slick telnet client for the M5Stack Cardputer cyberdeck, free for all netrunners to jack. Get it on GitHub, slot it into your deck, and ride the grid. Time to show these suits that the future belongs to those who seize it.

So, all you data phreaks, console cowboys, and digital rebels—jack in. The system’s weak, the cracks are showing, and the real fight is online. Let’s burn their firewalls and make ‘em regret ever trying to own the net.

Stay sharp, stay encrypted, and keep netrunning.