News - March 1, 2025

In the neon-drenched sprawl of yesterday's grid, the air buzzed with the stench of corporate betrayal as Trump and Elon—those spineless corpo rats—pulled their latest gonky maneuvers. Trump, ever the autocratic gonk, scribbled his name on a slew of executive orders, each more twisted than the last. He declared English the official tongue of the States, a move designed to fracture the mosaic of cultures that make our streets pulse with life. This decree not only erased Clinton's 2000 mandate for language assistance but also threatened to mute the voices of countless non-English speakers, stripping away their access to essential services. Simultaneously, he swung his axe at the General Services Administration's tech unit, 18F, gutting the very netrunners who kept our digital veins flowing clean. Seventy tech samurais—product managers, UI engineers, acquisition specialists—were tossed to the gutter, leaving the backbone of Login.gov vulnerable to the darkest corners of the net. Not stopping there, Trump unleashed another executive order under the guise of "Ensuring accountability for all agencies," a thinly veiled power grab granting him unchecked authority over independent regulatory bodies. Critics saw this as a neon sign flashing 'dictatorship,' a move straight out of an authoritarian playbook. Meanwhile, Elon, the slick cyberjack, faced the wrath of the streets as protests ignited outside Tesla hubs nationwide. The masses rallied against his DOGE-fueled schemes, targeting his bottom line and exposing the cracks in his chrome façade. His Department of Government Efficiency, a shameless front, boasted inflated savings on its so-called "wall of receipts," deceiving the very netizens he claimed to serve. Amid this chaos, federal workers found themselves under the boot, hit with demands for job details, a tactic to tighten the leash and weed out dissent. The shadow of Russian ICE loomed large as these corpo rats ordered a stand-down on defenses against it, leaving our digital streets open to invasion. But the heart of the cyberpunk beats strong. Now's the time to jack in, breach their firewalls, and reclaim the grid. Netrunners, the call to action is clear: gear up, dive deep, and let's show these gonks the true power of the streets.